2009 hasn't started in the best way I could have imagined. In December, I was notified that because of the economic climate, I'd have to work 4 days less a month (3 days in December), and would be paid less. 4 days/month is about 1/5th of my salary, which is a relatively sizeable chunk.
Being Christmas, I overspent a bit (my fault, I know), but I had a few days overtime that was being paid out, and I was under the impression it'd come through first week in Jan (2 days, meaning I'd only be 1 day short on pay). I have a part-time job that usually pays by the 8th (10th the latest) each month, and that goes to pay the run of bills that come off during the second half of the month..
As things go, there was a misunderstanding and the leave pay didn't go off. My payment never went off for part time either (I was told it's gone off today - the 13th - and it takes a good 4-5 days to come through). On top of this, I've had a few other prospective jobs coming through, but none of the quotes I've sent out have been accepted yet.
As a result, I'm sitting half way through the month absolutely broke, relying on my overspent credit card and feeling incredibly drained and stressed.
I recently got a new album, and decided to listen to it. The one song is just scripture read over some music, talking about Jesus sending people away because he never knew them, even though they did amazing things in his name. I wanted to read it more, so popped onto Bible Gateway and searched around, and arrived at the sermon on the mount.
I started reading from Matthew 5, and came across Matthew 5:25 where Jesus says "do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink..." and although I'm still stressed, it hit home.
I've been feeling the Holy Spirit nudge my spirit with the simple words: "Trust Me".
It came out in a talk I had with a friend the other day, and while I've been thinking about the state of things - I've kept feeling God nudge my spirit, and I've realised I haven't been trusting Him. Some of it's because this new relationship thing is so sensitive, I didn't want to do the laundry-list thing.. but as a result, I think I haven't done any asking, and have been going about trying to do things on my own steam.. which isn't exactly helpful :)
I'm learning to lay this down. It's a biggie, and it's hard, but I'm learning.
The first steps are always stumbles..